I’ve had a few tough years in my life recently. It all started to go wrong in 2016 when my marriage broke down, ok to be fair it was probably before that, but it seems like a convenient point to start. Then in fairly quick succession in 2017: Mum was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease and my grandmother died. It got worse in 2018 as my mother died and one of my beloved cats reached the end of her life too. The life I had in early 2016 lay in tatters around me by the end of 2018. I needed some help. One way to get that help is to seek out some therapy.
Going to a therapist is a great way of talking things out. You don’t need to worry whether you are boring your friends or taking up too much time. A therapist is there for you and can be there for you as much (or as little) as you need them to be. It’s flexible. You can even pick out the sort of therapy you want or the help and support you need. For me to get through the difficult times of my mother’s illness I had some counseling. The counseling focused on ways of helping me cope with my stress levels. The problem was I felt I was running on nearly empty all the time and then I’d have more demands placed on me (ones that I hadn’t anticipated). Sometimes those demands would be work related, sometimes it would involve my parents, sometimes my son, sometimes my health, sometimes something outside of all that.
My counselor and I worked together to find a way to manage my stress levels. Essentially we found ways of scheduling my life, so there was a little slack left for the unexpected. We worked on strategies for dealing with things that might come up. On my counselor’s advice I tried practicing mindfulness, which I actually found quite difficult. I’m not sure it’s for me, but I might need to try it again in the future. I tried meditation which again wasn’t for me on a long term basis at least, but did seem to work as a short term fix to get me through the rougher patches.
Exercise proved very beneficial and finding the right type for you is key. For me it was a combination of yoga and swimming. In yoga I am fully concentrated on my body, on the pose, on the directions from my instructor that there isn’t room in my mind for anything else. Swimming is different. In the water you are cut off from everything, when you are underwater it’s difficult to hear and there are fewer distractions. I found I had to concentrate on my technique, on my breathing, on which lap I was on: it all helped remove my mind from its troubles and created a feeling of peace. It’s difficult to over emphasize how much of a crutch swimming was for me in the final months of my mother’s illness and the initial weeks after her death.
For me seeking help was crucial to getting my life back on track, so don’t be afraid to ask for a little assistance.
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